Prime Performers Week Nine

QB – Nick Foles – The Dutch Runners – 45.64

406 Passing Yards
7 Passing TD
14 Rushing Yards

RB1 – Zac Stacy – Brokeback Gronkowski – 29.8

127 Rushing Yards
2 Rushng TD
51 Receiving Yards

RB2 – Chris Johnson – Jeff Fisher’s Beard – 29

150 Rushing Yards
2 Rushing TD
20 Receiving Yards

WR1 – Andre Johnson – Rex Ryan’s Gut – 40.9

229 Receiving Yards
3 Receiving TD

WR2 – Riley Cooper – Free Agent – 33.7

(On second thought, maybe I should dial this celebration down.)
18 Rushing Yards
139 Receiving Yards
3 Receiving TD

WR3 – T.Y. Hilton – Julio’s Foot – 30.1

121 Receiving Yards
3 Receiving TD

TE – Jimmy Graham – Jeff Fisher’s Beard – 23.6

116 Receiving Yards
2 Receiving TD

K – Nick Folk – Free Agent – 16

2 – 20-39 yds
2 – 40-49 yds
2 – PAT

DEF – Kansas City – Brokeback Gronkowski – 22

13 Points Allowed
2 INT
1 Fumble Recovery
2 TD

Prime Performers Week Seven

QB – Drew Brees – Layin’ Woodson – 30.18

Drew Brees, who recently had to tell us about a record he was breaking for us to know about it, made his way back to the Prime Performer list in week seven.

RB1 – Chris Johnson – 4th and Drunk – 31.8

Chris Johnson had a fantastic game against the Bills in week seven. After turning in a vintage performance, it should be interesting to see if he turns into the weekly Prime CJ, or the dud he’s been the last two seasons.

RB2 – Arian Foster – Rex Ryan’s Gut – 22.3

“Hey Arian, can I get your hat?”
“I’m in the middle of tooling the Ravens.”

WR1 – Vincent Jackson – 4th and Drunk – 27.6

Vincent Jackson somehow came up with the ball on this pass that looked like it was going to be intercepted. He then took the ball 80 yards down the field, but fell just short of the endzone, or it might have been even more for 4th and Drunk.

WR2 – Randall Cobb – Two Mannings One Cup – 22.8

Randall “Corn on the” Cobb was a favorite target of the great Aaron Rodgers in week seven. Cobb is on the move from Two Mannings One Cup to 5AUCED as long as their trade processes.

WR3 – Victor Cruz – Kilin Time – 19.1

Just when it looked like RGIII and the Skins were going to upset the favored GMen, Manning connected with Cruz for a monster TD with a side of Salsa. Cruz’s TD was the nail in the coffin.

TE – Rob Gronkowski – 4th and Drunk – 19.8

Gronk no drop football, Gronk no lose game. Another solid performance from 4th and Drunk in their breakout week.

K – Nick Folk – Free Agent – 18

Nick Folk tried his best to be the hero in yesterday’s game, with two big FG’s down the stretch in the 4th quarter, but the struggling Patriots were able to salvage a win with an OT FG.

DEF – Houston – 4th and Drunk – 20

No surprise to see CJ’s 4th and Drunk with another Prime Performer. JJ Watt did his best to disrupt Flacco on Sunday, and the best he can is good enough.

100 Club

• 4th and Drunk – 103.04
• Layin’ Woodson – 100.76

Prime Performers Week Thirteen

QB – Cam Newton – Cam Newton’s Dad – 38.26

In the week that was Cam Newton's Dad, what better way to start Prime Performers than with Newton himself?

RB1 – Shonn Greene – Pimpin Aint Breesy – 29.4

Shonn Greene, a player who has bounced around Nave-Po more than a beach ball at a nickelback concert, had his day in the sun in week thirteen for Pimpin Aint Breesy.

RB2 – Chris Johnson – Paranoid Brandlloyd – 27.7

After a disappointing season for CJ2K, he was able to finish strong with a great performance in the fantasy season finale. The only question left is does he have it in him to be CJ1K this season?

WR1 – Percy Harvin – Cam Newton’s Dad – 29.5

Mr. Migraine was a real headache for the Broncos in week thirteen, but not enough of one to lead the Vikings to victory.

WR2 – Pierre Garcon – Cam Newton’s Dad – 27

Pierre Garcon has been the best player for the Colts this season, and no, that's not saying much. Nonetheless, Garcon had another great week to finish the fantasy regular season.

WR3 – Denaryius Thomas – Free Agent – 26.4

With only eleven receptions in the whole season, Denaryius Thomas fell into the good graces of Tim Tebow in week thirteen, reeling in two touchdowns. Happy Waivers!

TE – Ron Gronkowski – Big Turd – 24.6

The mighty Gronk had yet another incredible week, reeling in two Brady TD passes, and running for another.

K – Connor Barth – Free Agent – 18

If you're like me, you are probably wondering who is Connor Barth? Well I don't know, just that he's the kicker for the Buccaneers.

DEF – Kansas City – Two Mannings One Cup – 20

Welcome to the NFL Caleb Hanie.